Parlez vous francais?

Apparently I do.

In an effort to be helpful, which is actually a problem for me (being too helpful), I admitted to the bellhop that, "Je parle un peu de francais." (I speak a little French.) I have suddenly found myself elevated to the status of "the French speaker" at the front desk, the irony being that I really only do speak a little French. I swear the bellhop, Frank, speaks more, but he's not admitting to it. I have only spoken a smattering of French since my 4 years of high school French class: to get hotel rooms and cafe au lait in Paris, rejecting a marriage proposal by a goat farmer from Cote d'Ivoire in Ghana, talking with some French tourists in Costa Rica, and defending the foreign language impaired Americans to an arrogant Frenchman in Costa Rica. C'est tout! (That's all, which, by the way, I said to one guest in an effort to explain that she was checked out.) I am impaired by only remembering present tense and not quite having the entire front desk vocabulary that one would want. ("Are you checking out?" still mystifies me and, "Do you have any pets?" is covered by "Do you have a dog or cat?" (Avez vous un chien ou chat?), as if our French guests have flown from Paris just to treat their dog or cat to the joy of sitting in the car through Yellowstone - I would not recommend bring any pet to Yellowstone as they are prohibited from most of the trails, are not allowed to stay alone at any of the hotels, cabins or campgrounds, and can not be left in a vehicle unattended.) I have learned, however, to ask, "How many keys?" Perhaps I will add "...do you want?" to the end of the question someday (is it "voulez vous?"). I have found that the French are very forgiving, and in fact grateful, to find such a rudimentary French speaker in the heart of the USA, even when telling them that the adorable plush stuffed toy in their room, "Ce n'est pas un gadeaux." (It is not a gift.) Or perhaps this French speaking is an unexpected gift of the front desk after all.